Confession (Audio) - @defrag.

[blindpuppet]

[ooc: Content Warning: Suicide, death, manipulation, abuse, possibly talk of body horror and similar subject matter.]

I want to die.

[The voice is feminine but refined and silky to the touch. She's thoughtful, as if this is a fact about herself that she's already accepted, but it's grown to be more complicated than that. Her life is the sphere hasn't been meaningless. There are those she cares about and those who give her a reason to live but nothing can erase her past or grant her a future that doesn't belong to her.]

I want to destroy my fathers legacy and every monster he's created which means destroying myself too. [Her voice continues, even and steady.] There is no way to avoid it. I fight every day to remain human, to allow myself to be killed, but I'm losing the battle and soon there will be no turning back.

I don't want to be a vampire.

I don't want to live forever.

But my father won't let me die. No matter how many times I've tried to take my own life, I am still here.

[There is soft swearing and the connection abruptly cuts.]

Comments

[spherenpc]

If you're fighting to be fucking human, you're destroying his creation that way. You don't need to die to do that shit.

[blindpuppet]

[It takes her a moment to respond and when she does, it's through a text.]

I am losing the battle and now I know what I will become when I do. It's just a matter of time.

I don't think I am human anymore.

[spherenpc]

Then what the fuck do you think you are?

[blindpuppet]

I am one of his monsters.
If anyone got a hold of what I know, millions would die.

Is that worth a single persons life?

Private Video

[doubled_speed]

Don’t you fucking dare. We’re friends and I’m gonna be here to support you and help you see that life is fucking amazing when you get out from under the thumb of the people that hurt you.

Fucking support group here. People with terrible fucking parents who deserve better than what those assholes did to them unite.

Private Audio

[blindpuppet]

[She feels awkward seeing him and talking about this but she doesn't want to leave Tommy hanging with no response.

He is her friend and he happens to be one of the handful of people she's come to care about in the Sphere. He's one of the reason she feels guilt for wanting to die.]

I didn't say I was going to act on how I feel. I can't anyway. And you should know better than most that we're forced us to say regrets or whatever.

[What else can she say about it? She's tried not to talk about it and has been skillful this far.]

Private, Tommy's gonna stay on Video tho

[doubled_speed]

[Maybe he knows it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't need said.]

I watched my twin go through a really shitty break down and I wasn't there for him. Like fuck I'm not going to be there for you.

Private forever!

[blindpuppet]

I never said I was breaking down.

If it helps, I physically can't take my life Tommy. My father made it impossible.

[gadaboutdetective]

[Llewellyn was more than a little alarmed to hear this. Even if he isn’t entirely sure he understands the entirety of the situation, he gets enough of it from her words. It’s... troubling. Hearing what she’s been through, getting an idea for what she’s tried to do (and still wants).]

What others want for us, or what the world expects of us needn’t be where our roads end up. Is there truly nothing to be done to help your uh— situation?

[He hasn’t known her long, but he already cares. She offered him aid and showed him kindness upon his arrival, that means a lot.]

There are quite a lot of us here, perhaps with some work we could all... mm... figure something out to help?

[blindpuppet]

Not unless you can go into my head and remove a section of my brain.

[A beat.]

Which would also probably kill me.

[Her brain and boy has been toyed with so much that it's become irreversible. Even if she lived, it'd be another person left. She wouldn't be Enis anymore.]

[gadaboutdetective]

My grasp of medical knowledge is tenuous at best... It sounds complicated.

[And it clearly is. It sounds like something out of a work of science fiction, and it’s obvious that her situation is far more complicated than most.]

I hope your father pays for what he’s done. For the fight you’ve been put in... Still. Mm.. as selfish as it is, I am glad you’re alive. It seems a fitting rebellion to at least try to not become what he expected of you, I only wish we could make that fight easier.

Perhaps at least while you are here, someone from a more advanced society might come along that can at least offer some options...?

[He’s grasping at straws and he knows it. Still... It’s not in him to give up entirely, for all his pessimism he hates to give up on someone.]

[blindpuppet]

My father was torn apart by his own creations.

If they hadn't gotten to him first, I might have found a way around it. As it is, I grew up with this chip in my head and my body has grown around it to the point that its part of me. It'd be like trying to take our your heart and tell you body to pump blood.

[She doesn't think science will be that kind. Not even Rhys's world can fix her.]

But it's fine. I didn't want to say this as I am sure many didn't want to say shit. There isn't an answer but thanks for trying anyway.

People where I'm from aren't that nice.

Private Audio | UN: RighteousFather

[10milliondollars]

Enis...We've talked about this before. And we've talked about trusting each other more...

[It pains him to hear this confession. His chest physically hurts. There's churning in his gut. Truth be told, he'd forgotten about this little facet of her. His voice is strained, but quiet.]

I know this is the Sphere's doing, making you put this out in public, but...you'd talk to me before you tried anything again...right?

Private Audio

[blindpuppet]

It's because I trust you that I've spoken to you.

My feelings can't just be erased Rhys.

[She's trying but it's hard.]

I can't hurt myself Rhys. I had tried and after nearly dying when I was nine my father put a program in my head that would prevent me from ever being able to take my own life. You have nothing to worry about because my father took this choice from me too.

Private Audio

[10milliondollars]

[Of course he feels relieved, but he also feels...anger? Sadness?]

I know, Enis. I don't want to erase them, but...I wanna help you work through them. I just wanna do whatever I can to make it hurt less.

Private Audio

[blindpuppet]

And how do you purpose to do that Rhys?

I can't help. I don't know shit about feelings. For years I wasn't sure I had any.

audio: marshes

[gristle]

Your father is a fucking asshole, Enis but dying isn't going to make things any better! You're not stopping him. You're just gone!

audio:

[blindpuppet]

He's already stopped, ripped apart by his own creations.

Re: audio:

[gristle]

But you think because you’re still alive there’s a chance he can still get what he wants through you?

Private Audio

[spoiledbugboy]

[He's the worst type of support at a time like this but...]

Look I dunno what this is all about or whatever your father did but you better stop saying dumb stuff like that! I-I'm gonna be very angry if you die!

[Yeah, that will do the trick.]

Private Audio

[blindpuppet]

Really? You're telling me to not say dumb stuff?

I must have fucked up.

[Enis almost smiles at Haga. Thank whoever runs the sphere that he can't see her.]

I won't die Haga. It takes too much to kill me and I wouldn't want to incite your wrath.

[spoiledbugboy]

Ugh... Don't joke about these things!

I mean, or do. At least I know you are being yourself.

And I'm not really mad at you I'm just... You shouldn't think about yourself like that. I think you are a pretty, hm, cool person. Weird dad or not. [Gosh... this 'caring about others' thing is really complicated.]

W-What I'm trying to say is that you got me worried. And I hope that's just this place making you say things.

audio;

[architector]

You aren't a monster, Enis.

audio;

[blindpuppet]

And you know this because...?

audio;

[architector]

Because monsters don't fear what they've become. [He pauses.] If it's a consolation, we are not immortal.