Audio

[beboth]

[ It’s a compulsion that Theon doesn’t feel that he can deny. There’s plenty of sins and things that eat away at him. His life is but a series of bad decisions that have hurt people he should have been better for. But there is perhaps one particular guilt that’s at the root of all guilt. There’s never been anyone that could assuage it and even is death doesn’t even the score. ]

I killed my best friend and my brother. I betrayed the man who raised me and murdered people who had done nothing but care for me. I turned my back on everyone that mattered because I was trying to prove I was someone I wasn’t. It was all stupid and nothing I do makes it right because there are two many bodies on my hands.

[ The feed cuts as soon as the words end because hell if Theon wants to even acknowledge that conversation happened or talk about Robb or Ned or any of them. ]

Comments

[king_inthenorth]

[It's a good thing Jon and Theon aren't in the same room right now.]

Who were you trying to be?

[He has to focus on that because he can't stand to dwell on the rest.]

action, always

[toivory]

[It's a little while before Sansa arrives at the dome she shares with her beloved. When she does, she says nothing, but moves to the kitchen. If Theon listens closely, he can hear the water running. A few moments later, she appears in the door to their bedroom, holding a bowl, a cloth dropped over her shoulder. Gingerly, she walks over to him, and comes to sit at his side. She sets the bowl of sweet smelling water between them.]

Give me your hands, Theon.

[Her voice is soft and gentle, concerned and loving.]

[beboth]

[ Theon remembers having a conversation somewhere near the same vein. Jon ironically had given him some of the best perspective that Theon could have received from the other. ]

I was trying to be a Greyjoy. Ironborn.

[beboth]

[ Theon can hear her. It's impossible to miss the tell-tale signs. But after that confession on the network he stays exactly where he is in the bedroom even more withdrawn than might be his usual.

He looks up when she speaks to him and his brow furrows. ]

Why?

[toivory]

[She doesn't answer him. Instead, she takes his hands, stripping them of his gloves. She looks carefully over the shortened fingers, the scarred flesh, her face a mask.

Then, she takes the cloth from her shoulder, dipping it into the soapy water. Gently, she began to wash his hands, slowly and surely. Each touch was loving and soft. As she worked, she began to softly sing Two Hearts Beat As One.

When she had washed his hands thoroughly, she gently toweled them off, and raised them to her lips. Each finger was kissed, then his palms, her blue eyes on his, and filled with nothing but love.]

Audio un: theboneless

[ragnarsson]

You sound like a fool of the highest order, especially betraying your family. At least when I have killed, there has always been a good reason in my mind. [Even if no one else saw it that way, Ivar always thought he had just cause in what he'd done and the actions he'd taken.]

Re: Audio un: theboneless

[beboth]

I can’t say you’re wrong.

[ Theon doesn’t really need confirmation of it he already sees himself that way and worse. ]

[ragnarsson]

Well. Did you at least learn from your mistakes?

[That's the important part right there.]

[beboth]

It doesn't really matter.

[ Did he actually learn or had he just been broken? ]

[ragnarsson]

It does. A wise man will learn from another's mistakes, a fool his own. But only the truly most foolish never learn anything at all.

[beboth]

Learning doesn’t fix anything. I can’t undo what’s done and I can never make it up.

[ragnarsson]

Then do better. Crawling around on your belly like a worm and tossing ashes over your head serves no purpose other then to make you feel bad about yourself. Try a different way of thinking now.

[beboth]

And what way would you suggest?

[ragnarsson]

Be a better man then you were before. It will not change the past, but it will make your future full of promise instead of darkness.

[beboth]

I'm already dead.

[king_inthenorth]

Why were you trying to be ironborn?

[beboth]

Because I thought I was supposed to be. I'm a Greyjoy.

[king_inthenorth]

A Greyjoy raised by a Stark.

Just like I -- I'm sure Sansa has told you this -- am a Targaryen raised by a Stark. You know which one I choose to be.

[beboth]

You did not always know that, Jon. I always knew I was a Greyjoy. I always felt torn between being a Greyjoy and being a Stark...

I realized I could be both too late. You taught me that, actually.

[ragnarsson]

[A note of impatience enters Ivar's voice and it turns more callous.]

Then lay down and die again like the mopey fucker you are. Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself instead of trying anything to improve your situation.

[king_inthenorth]

Things would be a lot different if everyone could just have been whoever they wanted to be from the start.

[beboth]

I don’t know about that.

[king_inthenorth]

No? Why not?

[beboth]

I didn’t know who I wanted to be.

[king_inthenorth]

Do you know that now?

[beboth]

Yes.

[king_inthenorth]

Then do that.

[unknownmoirai]

who do you want to be Theon?

You have a chance here. To be that person.

[beboth]

My chance has passed.

[beboth]

Such a thing is not simply done.

[king_inthenorth]

Why not?

[beboth]

Because! I am no longer even a man.

[beboth]

[ Theon watches her. His face is pensive and he does start to understand what she's trying to. It's a nice gesture but it doesn't quite seep into his soul. It should.

He wishes more than anything he could be less broken for her.

But he smiles slightly, though, the torment he feels is still there a raw wound. ]

Sansa.

[toivory]

[She keeps his hands in hers, gently touching them against her cheek.]

Yes, my love?

[unknownmoirai]

Then what is the Sphere if not another chance?

[king_inthenorth]

Then be somebody else.