Memory Share | First Steps (Ned Stark 1)

[ulfur]

A raven, bearing a message. Are you busy, my lord? There's something you should see in the nursery.

There is no tone of alarm to her note, yet Ned sets aside his task and walks through the halls of Winterfell, across the bridge from the armory to the Great Keep, wondering what could be amiss. The castle is busy at this time of day, and the folk within all nod to him as he passes, yet for once, he hardly sees them, thinking of his son, hoping he is all right.

The stone halls of the Stark family chambers are quieter than the others. Even the sound of his footsteps can be heard here. He comes to the door of the nursery, pushes it open...

To see Robb, with riotous red curls and those Tully-blue eyes, wobbling on chubby legs towards Catelyn's waiting arms. Ned laughs, a deep rich laugh, and stays where he is a moment to watch and not distract from this most important task. First steps. His son is adventuring at last.

But they both glance at the sound of him, and Robb, with a cry, tries to turn to launch himself at him and instead falls flat on his face. Both Catelyn and Ned rush to try to catch him, but Robb has well and truly fallen. He gives a shuddering wail, and it takes all the kisses and cuddles that both father and mother can bestow to distract him from his affliction.

At least he has both of them to sooth and cheer him on. Jon, watching it all as he clings to the nursemaid's skirts, has been walking for several weeks but there was no proud mother to send a raven to Ned for his first steps, and so he took them into Nurse Frea's arms with no other audience. Now, after weeks of practice, he could toddle toward them, but he hangs back, watching with wide eyes too solemn for his small face.

And Ned, tickling gurgles out of once-more-happy Robb, cannot break Catelyn's heart any more by going to his bastard son and kissing him where she could see. Jon is safe, well-cared for, and has what attentions he can spare in secret, stolen at night when he goes to check on the children. That is enough. It will have to be.

Comments

[ulfur]

Would it make you feel better to know that I would have done the same? I would have had no choice but to execute Karstark for his rebellion and murder of innocent children. He knows - knew - our House honor. You upheld it that day, as I taught you.

And the breaking of the other vows...did I not teach you to honor women too? It was either keep a vow someone else made on your behalf, or honor Jeyne. You made the right choice.

[kingnamedstark]

It does and I thought it was what you would do at the time. I think though they would have viewed your actions differently than mine. It seems like every decision I made was eventually going to end in betrayal.

I don't regret breaking that vow, only that it cost mother and Jeyne everything.

[ulfur]

You were a boy, forced to be a man too soon. You were still proving yourself. You did not have the men around you that I had, even during the Rebellion.

Perhaps your mother would have a different answer, but I do not think Jeyne would make any other choice. I saw how she loved you and cared for you in your darkest hour. She would not give that up.

[kingnamedstark]

When does someone my age stop being a boy and become a man in the eyes of the older generation? I followed everything you taught me, but it still fell short. It would have been easier if I had Theon supporting me or Jon at my side.

No. She wouldn't have. I just wish I was better man for her.

[ulfur]

It is different in each case. But you are a man in my eyes now. I have nothing to be disappointed in, for the man you grew to be.

I don't expect you to never make mistakes. Jeyne shouldn't either. It may be a mistake she cannot forgive, or one that she can grow to understand and accept. But a perfect man does not exist, Robb.