Video | UN: SpeedofThought

[doubled_speed]

[The video comes live to Tommy, hair recently retrimmed because fuck that shit, sitting on a kitchen table in his dome.]

So, these dolls are fucking creepier than people here get. Not kidding. Sure, elf on a shelfs are some serious corporate America bullshit back home, all about indoctrinating kids to the police state and Big Christmas and all that shit, and my little Roma-Jew-ass self couldn't give a shit about them normally. But we all know these fuckers are being weird, right? Not just creepy smile weird either, right Bozo?

[The view of the video swivels to a rocking chair, where the elf-doll is tied to the back. And, for those who are keen of eye, there's also Speedy, Tommy's pet sloth, climbing around without a care in the world.]

Bozo agrees. And any time Speedy makes a noise, that's my good son agreeing too. Anyway, as some of you may know, I'm fast.

Really fast. Like, literally outruns the speed of sound fast. Most of which I don't do here because no one needs a fucking sonic-boom in underwater domes, right? Gotta be safe. But I don't just run fast. I think fast. I see fast. And shit is like this: these things might be faster than me. So we're going to see.

Be scared folks.

[Tommy sure as fuck is.]

Because when a guy that experiences more than a week of perceived time for every minute you experience... it's terrifying that I can't track this shit. Be careful.

Anyway, anyone wanna swap data on the shit these bitches are getting up to? Because I'm half worried they're going to murder me in my sleep.

Comments

Video - UN: detwatts

[gadaboutdetective]

I think if they were going to kill us, they would have done it by now...?

[Unless these things were just toying with them? Oh, no... Tommy, don’t make him more paranoid than he already is at this point. Because the fact that it’s apparently keeping up with Tommy like that? If it’s potentially faster than the guy? Oof...]

I can’t believe I was letting my dog play with it...

Re: Video - UN: detwatts

[doubled_speed]

I don't know. The dog totally can handle the elf. Speedy has this one locked down.

[gadaboutdetective]

Well, his teeth are quite good at gnawing through things... Though uh— the elf thus far seems quite unscathed compared to how some of my shoes have faired.

[doubled_speed]

Ouch, hope the little guy manages to tear it up. Because I can't even explode them, and it's bad if I can't.

[gadaboutdetective]

Mm... I would say that if you can’t explode them, and a puppy can’t chew it to bits? They may not be something that could be destroyed at all.

[... Oh, hold on a moment.]

Though I’d worry that trying to do so might anger whatever it is...? I’ve never liked it when someone tried to kill me.

[doubled_speed]

[Dude, anger was just something you learned to live with.]

Does it matter if it's angry? Whoever they report to is already creeping on us.

[gadaboutdetective]

It might not matter? But it also could, we don’t know if whoever is using them to ‘creep on us’ also has a test in mind revolving around our choices in handling them.

[doubled_speed]

I don't take well to the idea of being watched.

[gadaboutdetective]

Neither do I. Especially when I’m not sure why.

[Not that he’d like being watched any better if he did know why he was being watched. It just helped a little, made it easier to be prepared for something.]

It’s not as though extra surveillance is necessary considering the way this place works to begin with.

[doubled_speed]

Yeah, I know, right? So it's just creepy. Like the possession darkness bullshit in the past.

[gadaboutdetective]

[... the what darkness? Sorry, Tommy. That sounds worse than the creepy dolls.]

I uh— guess I missed that, so I can’t really compare the two. But these are definitely creepy... Their expressions are rather smug. Like they know things.

[doubled_speed]

[Dude, don't ask him.]

They do. They know if you've been sleeping. Or when you're awake.

[gadaboutdetective]

That’s excessive, and rather useless information to collect compared to other things.

[And embarrassing, his sleep schedule is awful. He doesn’t need to be called out on that by a doll.]

[doubled_speed]

Nah, it's just creepy Christmas song shit.

[gadaboutdetective]

Hm... I’ve not heard that song, I don’t imagine it’s popular with a theme like that.

[Oh, Llewellyn... He’d figure out that it was actually quite popular come the 1930s. Probably still wouldn’t enjoy it though.]

[doubled_speed]

Well, the most important part of it is 'you better watch out'

[gadaboutdetective]

Uh...

[He’s definitely not sure what to think of this song.]

So ominous and threatening.

[doubled_speed]

[He's so clearly leaving behind a lot.]

It's all about how Santa knows everything.

[gadaboutdetective]

[Llewellyn is undoubtedly going to go to the audio archives at the library and find this song because of that.]

I did always question how one man could know ‘everything,’ but if he were to have... things like these.

[He glanced at his own creepy little elf doll,]

I suppose that would make it easier.

[doubled_speed]

He could just have cameras.

[gadaboutdetective]

Maybe in some worlds, I could see that being a possibility as well.

[doubled_speed]

Probably is. AS for me? I'm getting away from this thing. I suggest you do that too.

[gadaboutdetective]

Considering we’re all rather stuck here in a reverse fishbowl, I imagine that’s going to be challenging. I’m going to try locking it in a filing cabinet and see how long it stays there.

[doubled_speed]

Pass the data when you can. I'm going to get Speedy some treats for being a good watch-sloth.

[gadaboutdetective]

I will definitely be in touch again once I know better.

[He grinned a little at the mention of speedy.]

Yes, he absolutely deserves treats. I should probably see to the doll and give Pretzel something as well. Just for at least making a good attempt at handling the thing.