Video | UN: SpeedofThought

[doubled_speed]

[The video comes live to Tommy, hair recently retrimmed because fuck that shit, sitting on a kitchen table in his dome.]

So, these dolls are fucking creepier than people here get. Not kidding. Sure, elf on a shelfs are some serious corporate America bullshit back home, all about indoctrinating kids to the police state and Big Christmas and all that shit, and my little Roma-Jew-ass self couldn't give a shit about them normally. But we all know these fuckers are being weird, right? Not just creepy smile weird either, right Bozo?

[The view of the video swivels to a rocking chair, where the elf-doll is tied to the back. And, for those who are keen of eye, there's also Speedy, Tommy's pet sloth, climbing around without a care in the world.]

Bozo agrees. And any time Speedy makes a noise, that's my good son agreeing too. Anyway, as some of you may know, I'm fast.

Really fast. Like, literally outruns the speed of sound fast. Most of which I don't do here because no one needs a fucking sonic-boom in underwater domes, right? Gotta be safe. But I don't just run fast. I think fast. I see fast. And shit is like this: these things might be faster than me. So we're going to see.

Be scared folks.

[Tommy sure as fuck is.]

Because when a guy that experiences more than a week of perceived time for every minute you experience... it's terrifying that I can't track this shit. Be careful.

Anyway, anyone wanna swap data on the shit these bitches are getting up to? Because I'm half worried they're going to murder me in my sleep.

Comments

[stantheman]

I like to think they can’t murder... actually, I like to try and ignore them altogether. I guess that definitely doesn’t work for you.

[doubled_speed]

Liking to think it doesn't mean it's actually true. But yeah, what in the world, man? How do you ignore creepy dolls?

[stantheman]

They haven't managed to murder anyone so far. I'm pretty good at ignoring things that aren't normal.

[doubled_speed]

Are you sure? Would we know if they had?

[stantheman]

Why wouldn't we know?

[doubled_speed]

Because they move fast enough to hide the bodies.

[stantheman]

But no one has been noticed to be missing have they?

[doubled_speed]

I don't know. I don't keep track of who all is here.

[stantheman]

Someone would notice.

Video - UN: detwatts

[gadaboutdetective]

I think if they were going to kill us, they would have done it by now...?

[Unless these things were just toying with them? Oh, no... Tommy, don’t make him more paranoid than he already is at this point. Because the fact that it’s apparently keeping up with Tommy like that? If it’s potentially faster than the guy? Oof...]

I can’t believe I was letting my dog play with it...

Re: Video - UN: detwatts

[doubled_speed]

I don't know. The dog totally can handle the elf. Speedy has this one locked down.

[gadaboutdetective]

Well, his teeth are quite good at gnawing through things... Though uh— the elf thus far seems quite unscathed compared to how some of my shoes have faired.

[doubled_speed]

Ouch, hope the little guy manages to tear it up. Because I can't even explode them, and it's bad if I can't.

[gadaboutdetective]

Mm... I would say that if you can’t explode them, and a puppy can’t chew it to bits? They may not be something that could be destroyed at all.

[... Oh, hold on a moment.]

Though I’d worry that trying to do so might anger whatever it is...? I’ve never liked it when someone tried to kill me.

[doubled_speed]

[Dude, anger was just something you learned to live with.]

Does it matter if it's angry? Whoever they report to is already creeping on us.

[gadaboutdetective]

It might not matter? But it also could, we don’t know if whoever is using them to ‘creep on us’ also has a test in mind revolving around our choices in handling them.

[doubled_speed]

I don't take well to the idea of being watched.

Video

[minus1twin]

[Wanda frowns at her son and his statement.]

I don't understand what these elves are... [A lot of American traditions are beyond Wanda. She knows the main holidays but that is about it.]

Do you want to sleep in my dorm for a bit?

Re: Video

[doubled_speed]

[You know he does, Wanda.]

Yeah. Sure. When I don't need some space to myself. I'll have to come over to take care of Speedy though.

Video

[minus1twin]

Speedy can come too. Ultron isn't here anymore, there is plenty of space.

[doubled_speed]

He...

[Tommy hadn't noticed. And he feels bad that he failed that bad.]

GUess I don't have to explain that to Gar.

[minus1twin]

[Wanda's voice softens as if reading her son's mind.]

It's alright and you should know that Speedy is always welcome here.

[doubled_speed]

I do. That's the best part about having family here. We've always got a place.

[minus1twin]

That's true and since I have an empty space, you and Speedy are both always welcome.

[doubled_speed]

[He does miss Ultron. Is that weird? Probably.]

I know, Mom. and I thank you for it.