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[beboth]

(cw: canon typical violence

video for reference)

[ It's a bit of a suicide mission. You know that but you'd agreed to it anyway and the only thing you can hope is that it's not also a suicide mission for Bran. You'd already cost the Starks too much. No pound of flesh would ever make up for the wrong you've done.

As the horde continues to attack, you eventually run out of arrows and your bow becomes melee before you get your hands on a spear. And you keep fighting as valiantly as you can, because what mattered was protecting Bran. The urge you used to have to run in the face of danger and death isn't there any longer and while brave might be a stretch, you're resolute in your duty.

When he finally arrives, you're exhausted and you can barely stand any longer.

They dead stop attacking and a path clears for the Night King and you're staring at your fate until you hear Bran's voice.

"Theon."

You turn to look at him.

"You're a good man. Thank you."

And you cry, not because you're about to die but because you might actually believe that it's true. The fear slips away into a feeling of resolution. You run at the Night King with your spear and when you reach him it's broken in half like a twig and you're on the receiving end. But what is dead may never die, anyway. ]

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Action. That’s what you get.

[toivory]

[There are tears streaming down Sansa’s cheeks when she sees Theon. She takes a moment to take him in. She’d seen it now. Seen how he fought and died so valiantly. To save Bran. How brave he was. He’d never see it, and she knew that. But somewhere deep down in his memory he had perhaps believed it for a second.

And that second is what matters.

She wastes no more time, running to him and wrapping her arms around him in the biggest hug she can manage. Her tears run tracks down his shoulders, but she doesn’t care. She wants to be pressed against this man, to hold him until he believes he is good and wonderful.

She only knows one way to do that.

She kisses him. Frantically, passionately. She pulls back only for a moment to whisper the truth to him, words she’s never said to any other man:] I love you.

[beboth]

[ There's something particularly worse about that memory being shown than any of the other ones. Maybe the one with Ramsay had been humiliating, the second had been more about how good Yara was and he could live with that. This one was vulnerable and something... else.

He would have been happy had it been the end of his story. He could have died believing he was a good man and instead he had come here and he is sure that cheapens it all some. He doesn't deserve this. This is not the halls of his Drowned God, that is for sure despite the location being underwater or whatever it claimed to be.

Still... he wrapped his arms around Sansa when she came, shocked at her tears as he holds her tight. Has he grieved her this much again?

He doesn't know what to make of it when she begins kissing him, though and returns them fervently, reverently until she parts from him. The whisper of words he's heard before, said before, but never felt the weight of so deeply.

Theon loves her too but the words feel heavy on his tongue, words he doesn't deserve to say much less hear. ]

Sansa... [ Theon kisses her again, more softly. ]

[toivory]

Hush, [she says, her voice soft and breathy.] Don't say anything. Just-- [She kisses him again.] Let me be near you. Let me love you the way you need.

[She swallows, her throat tight. She wants him to say it back. But she knows he won't. He doesn't think he deserves her. But he does, he's the only one she really truly wants. The only one in the world that understands the hell she went through with Ramsay, the man who got her through so much alive. It's trauma bonding, but there isn't a phrase for that in Westeros.]

You are so brave, Theon. [She kisses his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, nose, every part of him.] You're brave, and you're good. I wish you believed it as whole heartedly as I do.

[beboth]

[ He starts to speak again but he kisses her back instead and he just does as she tells him. He doesn't know how to say those words back to her. He knows that he loves her. He's loved her for a long time now but he doesn't deserve her love for him and maybe he doesn't think he deserves to love anyone at all.

The words just die in his throat, on his tongue and he knows he's hurting her and it's the last thing he wants to do. He accepts all of her kisses and her affections and represses the urget o argue with her and instead he looks down.

Perhaps he was brave in the end but for him it doesn't erase it all, just like Bran telling him he was a good man doesn't fully erase the fact that he hadn't been when it had mattered. ]

[toivory]

[it hurt so badly to see him so sullen, so hesitant in kissing and touching and in every aspect of his life. She wanted to be his harbor, to help him return to his best self here. But if he didn’t even wish to see himself the way she did.

Did he really think she’s choose to love someone unworthy? That she would work so hard if he were not worth it? And all the more, it made her feel as if Ramsay had won.
She tightens her grip, her hands at his lapels, holding him to her. Salty tears streak down her cheeks as she thinks about Theon and what he must surely think.]

I love you.

And you are worth every bit of my love. Now and forever, Theon Greyjoy.

[beboth]

[ Theon wouldn't know how to return to his best self. Then again, the man he was before Ramsay, before taking Winterfell had not necessarily been a good man either. He hadn't been as terrible as he become but Theon didn't want to be that man either. Perhaps if there were something left of him he might be able to give into Sansa and this world easier. But he's a different man now and he wouldn't necessarily trade who he was now to become the man he'd been at the start of it. That man would not have made Sansa a good love.

His scarred hands careful wipe at her tears even if he couldn't say or do the things necessary to stop them from falling. He loved her more than he loved anything or anyone. But he also knew she was wrong. He wouldn't argue but she knew what he thought anyway so he might as well.

Instead of saying the words she wants to hear that he can't seem to let himself say he leans in and presses a tender kiss to her lips. It's the kiss of a man who does love her even if he can't say it. ]

[toivory]

[She does want to hear them. She knows he won't say it, can't say it, but that doesn't stop her from longing to hear it from him. Even if she can feel it in his movement, in the way he holds her and certainly the way he kisses her. He is allowed to love her. There's nothing in the world that says someone isn't entitled to their feelings of love.

It's almost insulting, truthfully, that he won't say it. It makes her think, perhaps, because he knows how broken her body truly is, that he thinks she is unloveable. That she must be worth less than him.

She's only ever wanted to be loved. Properly.

But she loves Theon, and she will love him as fiercely as she can, because he does deserve love. Even if she does not.]

Theon is- is there some way I can please you?

[beboth]

[ Theon would never think that Sansa's body was broken. She is beautiful and there was nothing in the world that could detract from it. He just couldn't see past his own brokenness, and the guilt of all his mistakes. He couldn't help feeling like when he touched her, if he loved her, he left behind some sort of metaphorical disease.

Even if he loves her with every fibre of his being there is so much that he's incapable of giving her. He can only see his shortcomings. ]

What do you mean, Sansa?

[king_inthenorth]

[Jon has never seen this before, but he doesn't have to remember it to know what's going on. This isn't his first encounter with wights, or the Night King, and Sansa had told him about the Night King's ultimate defeat. He knows that he himself is somewhere in this mass of bodies, living and dead. This is a glimpse into his future. It's a good thing he's won seemingly-impossible battles before.

And of course he knows what dying feels like.]

Theon.

[beboth]

[ Theon is hesitant hearing Jon. Of most anyone other than Sansa, perhaps Jon is most capable of understanding everything unspoken and implied in the memory. ]

Jon... [ It felt like he should say more but his mouth is dry and anything more refuses to be squeezed out. ]

[king_inthenorth]

You were defending Winterfell? [He recognizes the godswood, of course, and Bran's there. And he knows that after the Wall and Castle Black, the next place the wights would end up would be Winterfell.

Hopefully Winterfell won't be sight of any more battles for a very long time.

[beboth]

Yes, I was.

[king_inthenorth]

Thank you.

[He has no more claim to Winterfell than Theon does, but it's his home, and anyone who fights to preserve it gets some appreciation from him.]

[beboth]

You shouldn't thank me.

[ It was his home too... maybe more so than the Iron Islands could have ever been but he had still done far more damage than good there. ]

[king_inthenorth]

Why not?

You were defending Winterfell, Westeros, and Bran. All reasons worth thanking someone.

Audio un; angel

[unknownmoirai]

[Her voice is soft, tentative and uncertain as she reaches out to Theon. She doesn't know him well but she knows he is a good man and this... no one should have to relive or broadcast something like this.]

Are you alright?

[beboth]

I'm fine. [ Because what other choice is there? ]

[unknownmoirai]

It's okay, if you aren't okay.

[beboth]

It is a better death than I deserve.

[unknownmoirai]

I don't think... anyone deserves to die.

[beboth]

Some people do.

[unknownmoirai]

I'm sorry.

I wish... I wish I had more I could say.

[These kinds of things are difficult for her to understand but she hopes that he knows that he isn't alone in this.]

Video un: theboneless

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar watches and enjoys what he sees. Bravery is a rare trait to find even among good men.]

Deaths like that are not so common even among Vikings. It was good and worthy of Valhalla.

[It's that strange man again, the one with the pale eyes that shine with the same light Ramsey's did. But this time they look a little different, shining with approval instead of that desire to play with Theon like the way a cat bats a mouse between its paws.]

[beboth]

What is Valhalla?

[ He is still wary of Ivar all the same. There was still that glimmer of Ramsay that made him uneasy -- after all, Reek had always wanted to see approval in Ramsay's eyes so it wasn't exactly a comforting thing. ]

[ragnarsson]

A paradise for warriors where those who die honorable deaths in battle will feast, drink, and fight until the last and greatest battle of all time. So it is a compliment I give you.

[And not one to be taken lightly coming from Ivar.]